


We Are More Than Our Scars

by vixleonard



Series: The Sum of Our Parts [2]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixleonard/pseuds/vixleonard
Summary: Set 2 years after the previous installment, Peggy and Bucky are trying to figure out how to be a couple with the shadow of Steve following them.





	We Are More Than Our Scars

Much like every other holiday at the Barnes apartment, it is loud when Peggy and Bucky enter, Bucky holding the bottle of wine Peggy swiped from Howard’s untouched wine cellar, Peggy carrying a pie she paid Rose to make for her after her own three failed attempts.

“How can you assemble a rifle in the middle of a fire fight but can’t make an apple pie?” Bucky asked her the third time she pulled the ruined pastry out of the oven, cursing a blue streak.

It was a good thing he had fast relaxes or else he’d be celebrating Christ’s resurrection with an apple-shaped bruise in the center of his forehead.

“Uncle Bucky!” comes the chorus of shouts from Bucky’s nieces and nephews, flocking around him. As Peggy passes the pie to Bucky’s sister Evie, Bucky swings his youngest nephew up into his arms.

“How’s my big guy?” he asks, setting the bottle of wine on the table as he tickles little Stevie’s ribs, earning him a giggle from the two-year-old.

But Mary Beth’s son reaches his arms out and says, “Aunt ‘Eggy!” instead of answering his uncle’s question.

Peggy feels her cheeks turn pink even as she takes little Stevie into her arms. It has been over two years since she started attending Barnes family gatherings, two years since she and Bucky became…whatever it is they have worked very hard to keep from defining, but it still embarrasses her when Bucky’s nieces and nephews refer to her as “Aunt Peggy.” Each and every time one of them does it in earshot of Mrs. Barnes or any of the Barnes daughters, it leads to yet another round of, “When are you going to do what’s right, James?”

“Happy Easter, darling,” she says, accepting a drool heavy kiss from little Stevie. His kiss is soon followed by a string of others from Evie, Mary Beth, Dolly, their husbands, Mr. Barnes, and finally Bucky’s mother. It had been a strange enough adjustment to spend so much time with a family that actually liked being around each other, but the Barnes clan was also far more affectionate than Peggy was used to. With the exception of the Martinellis, she’d never met any family who hugged so much. Hell, she’s been hugged more often by Mrs. Barnes than she has her own mother.

Bucky met her family once. They’d traveled to France for Dernier’s wedding and stopped in London on the way home. Her stepfather barely showed any interest, her little brother Harrison bothered him for war stories, and her mother couldn’t contain her disdain for the American Peggy brought home. Of course, Peggy doubted her mother would ever forgive her for the embarrassment breaking her engagement with Fred caused, so it was far more of a judgment on Peggy than Bucky.

“Such a proper lady,” Bucky teased her when he snuck into her bed after a particularly loud row with her mother, a smirk on his handsome face but kindness in his eyes. “What would your mom think if she knew how much you liked it when a filthy GI touches you?”

“Let’s find out,” she’d whispered before pulling him down for an aggressive kiss, and in the morning, no one in her family could meet their eyes.

Peggy stopped caring what her mother thought about her a long time ago, but she loves Mrs. Barnes. She loves Bucky’s mother so much, she’s even willing to feign being a good, Catholic girl untouched by a man to keep her mind at rest. 

“In Ma’s world, you only have sex with your husband, and that man became your husband in front of a priest and the entire parish during a full mass,” Evie told her shortly after she discovered Bucky’s new apartment happened to be Bucky and Peggy’s new apartment. “If she ever knew her sainted son was just a flesh and blood man, she’d drop dead.”

“How can she possibly think he’s a virgin? He’s dated half the borough!”

Evie laughed. “There’re no limits to the delusions my mother can have about Buck.”

Which is why Peggy notices right away when Mrs. Barnes comes to greet them and subtly checks Peggy’s hand for a ring.

It’s going to be a long Easter Sunday.

* * *

“How many hints did you think your mum dropped about me quitting my job?” Peggy asks as she and Bucky ascend the four flights of stairs to their small apartment.

“Are we counting the outright suggestions as hints? Because if we are, at least twelve, maybe thirteen. I think I might have missed one when I went to the bathroom.” 

“You did.”

“Well, even if you wanted to, I refuse to let you. If you’re gone, there’s no one to stop me from murdering Thompson.”

“I still don’t understand why you don’t reassign him. Let him be Los Angeles’s or Chicago’s problem.” As they reach the landing to their floor, Peggy pivots on her heel, walking backwards with a smirk. “After all, you _are_ the chief now.”

Bucky groans. “It should’ve been yours and we know it.”

Peggy steps into him, brushing her lips against his jaw as she reaches into his pants pocket. He inhales deep through his nose as she palms him before plucking the keys from his pocket. “And we both know I’m missing what Washington considers to be an essential piece of equipment for the job.”

Bucky wraps his arms around her waist as she unlocks the apartment, nuzzling her neck. “How about I show you just how appreciative I am of the equipment you do have?”

They never make it to the bedroom. Bucky goes down on her right there in their tiny kitchen before pulling her down to the floor. They laugh about the cool tile against their backs, Bucky’s button down shirt serving as a thin, makeshift blanket, and Peggy wonders if any two people have ever been this happy.

* * *

“Do I want to know what that sound is?”

Jarvis winces at the loud bang before continuing the polishing of the silver. “Mr. Stark is working on a new invention. He’s put safety measures in place.” When Peggy raises an eyebrow, he adds, “Well, smoke alarms and I’m to check on him every half-hour.”

“Whatever he pays you is not enough.”

“I quite like my work.”

Peggy reaches across the counter to pluck a handful of blueberries from the container Ana is using to make…something Peggy cannot identify. “He should at least give you a holiday.”

“We are going on holiday,” Ana reports, adding a cup of sugar into the large mixing bowl. “Edwin is taking me to the seashore. It’s our anniversary soon.”

“He didn’t mention that.”

“He is standing right here, and I didn’t think it necessary.”

“It’s absolutely necessary. How long will it be?”

“Seven years,” they answer in unison, and Peggy smiles. She’s never been one for cuteness in couples, but Edwin and Ana Jarvis is truly a couple it is impossible not to adore.

“Well I hope you enjoy your holiday. And I also hope Howard manages to not blow himself up while you’re gone.”

As another small explosion sounds from beneath them, Jarvis winces. “You and me both, Miss Carter.”

* * *

“Feel up to some code breaking?”

Peggy looks up from the mountain of filing on her desk and smiles at Bucky. “I would feel up to fetching sandwiches right now if it means escaping this tedium.”

“Don’t let Thompson hear you say that, or you’ll be running down to the deli,” Sousa quips from behind his own mountain of paperwork.

Bucky hands her a file folder, **CLASSIFIED** stamped across the front. “This was intercepted by a field agent in Seattle. No idea who it’s from, who it’s about, or what’s in it.”

“So how do we know if it’s of any value?”

“The person it was intended for is a former SS scientist. He was relocated on our dime after he helped us understand some of the Nazi research. Yeah, I know, Peg,” he rushes on when Peggy’s disdain shows on her face, “I don’t like it either, but no one asked us. We need to find out who is trying to talk to him and what they’re trying to tell him.”

Flipping open the folder, Peggy sighs. “I’m not familiar with this. It will take some time.”

Bucky smiles. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. And if you need help, work with Sousa.”

Unable to keep a bit of mocking from her voice, she quips, “Anything else, Chief?”

His eyes widen in surprise, attraction flaring there, and Peggy tries to swallow back her smile. She thought she was done being surprised by James Barnes, but apparently that isn’t so.

“No, Carter, that’s all for now.”

When she corners him in his office later that evening, calling him “Chief” as she hikes up her skirt and straddles him in his chair, she has to warn him not to tear her skirt in his haste to get inside her.

* * *

They don’t bring up Steve often. It is too painful to discuss him, to even consider for a moment that what they are doing might be a betrayal to him. Peggy knows intellectually they are doing nothing wrong, that she and Bucky mourn Steve’s loss every day in their own ways, and Steve – selfless until the very end – would want them to be happy. But emotionally, when the night is dark and Bucky’s arms are around her, Peggy hears that nagging voice chastising her for falling in love with Steve’s best friend.

Their friends don’t mention it. Sometimes when they get together with the other Howling Commandoes, they reminisce about old missions, laughing about mistakes or teasing someone for their actions. But Peggy knows these men as well as she knows anyone, and she notices they only tell the stories post-Steve when she is there. She doesn’t know if they swap tales with Bucky about Steve and he’d never tell her anyway. But the few times one of them mentions “Cap,” Peggy always sees the eyes flick towards her or Bucky to see what they will do.

Howard never dances around it, and Peggy both loves and hates him for it. He echoes her thoughts that there’s nothing wrong with loving Bucky, that Steve would want it, and Peggy appreciates that. She really does. But she also wishes that about this, Howard would keep his mouth shut and play at being polite like the rest of the world.

The Barnes family talks about Steve but it is the way her own family talks about Michael: carefully, always with pain in their voices. When Mary Beth decided to christen her first son Steven James, they’d all cried, Bucky especially, cradling his godson in his arms as the priest trickled holy water over his bald head. The closest anyone has ever come to broaching the topic of what she’d been to Steve was Evie, who told her at Bucky’s last birthday party, “Oh, I’m so glad Steve sent you to him.” Peggy tried not to flinch and Evie was drunk anyway, but the words still rang in her ears for months.

Which is why when Peggy opens the newspaper to find a picture of herself and James beneath the headline **Cap’s gal finds love with Cap’s best friend!** she goes numb.

She’s been in the newspaper a handful of times, most recently in a feature about the Howling Commandoes, who received commendations from the President. She’d worn her uniform like the rest of them, smiled, and accepted her medal. She pretended not to notice how Bucky couldn’t look at her in it, and she ignored how much he drank that night. They slept in different rooms in the hotel they were put up in and after midnight, he came banging on her door with the suggestion they burn their uniforms, that Agent Carter and Sergeant Barnes could stop existing right then and there.

They didn’t burn their uniforms and Bucky slept off the booze in her bed while she slept in the armchair.

The picture is good as far as newspaper photos go. They were at a party for Stark Industries, and the gown Peggy wore was on loan from some expensive designer, a gift from Howard. Bucky whispered filthy suggestions in her ear all night while she wore it, and they both drank too much champagne. When the photographer clicked his shutter, they were dancing, faces close together, both mid-laugh. As Peggy stares at their picture, she hopes Bucky doesn’t see it, stuffing the paper deep into the bin.

Thompson shows it to him while Peggy is out running an errand, the bastard. He laughs about it later, telling Peggy she needs thicker skin. She considers stabbing him with her letter opener before Sousa intervenes, taking her for a walk while Bucky locks himself away in his office.

A week later, _The Captain America Adventure Hour_ introduces the “character” of Buddy Burns, Cap’s childhood friend turned romantic rival for the hand of Betty Carver.

* * *

“If you want out of this, you just have to say something.”

Bucky, who has barely spoken to her since that damned article was published, jerks his head up from the pile of reports in front of him. “What?”

Lowering her voice, hoping Thompson and his ilk aren’t listening at the closed door, she elaborates, “If it’s bothering you, us being together, then we don’t need to be…together. What with the article and all – “

“Fuck the article. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Haven’t you already?”

Bucky sighs, sagging back into his chair. His face clouds over in thought, obviously struggling with whatever it is inside him, before managing, “You were his girl. You were…the only girl he ever felt…Sometimes it don’t seem right that I get to have with you what he didn’t.”

Tears fill her eyes. “I know.”

“And then I think – If he was here, you know, I wouldn’t be with you. And that hurts too, because it feels like I got to choose between you or him.”

“But you don’t, darling. You didn’t - _We_ didn’t pick each other over Steve.”

He looks at her then, tears in his own eyes, before confessing, “It fucks with me sometimes, knowing you never would’ve loved me if he hadn’t died.”

Wiping an errant tears away, she corrects, “I always would have loved you, James. It just would have been in a different way.”

He nods, wiping at his face, before saying, “Sounds weird, you calling me James again.”

She laughs and hopes they’re okay now.

* * *

“What are you doing on Friday?” Bucky asks her one Monday morning as she brushes her teeth, her hair still in curlers.

“I don’t know,” she says around a mouth full of spit and foam.

“Want to get married?”

It isn’t romantic or overwrought. He is shirtless, lacing his belt through the loops of his pants; she is in her bra and underwear, her dress still hanging up in the bedroom. She isn’t wearing a bit of makeup and he doesn’t get to one knee on their bathroom floor. As far as proposals go, it is simple and direct and it would horrify Angie to her very soul.

And yet Peggy loves him so much for it, for its distinct lack of pomp and circumstance.

“Sure,” she says, unable to stop herself from grinning.

Bucky grins right back, kissing her despite the toothpaste, and promises, “I’ll have a ring for you by then.”

They get married by a judge in City Hall, Bucky in a navy suit, Peggy in a knee-length white lace dress with long sleeves she spent entirely too much money on after seeing it in a shop window. Their witnesses are Mr. and Mrs. Jarvis, Ana all but clapping in excitement throughout the ceremony, and the only guests are the Barnes immediate family, who still take up considerable space in the courtroom. Mrs. Barnes is not happy about locale or lack of priest, but she has apparently decided beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to their only son finally marrying.

Howard joins them at a restaurant downtown, footing the bill for exorbitant food and far too much alcohol, and Peggy finds herself looking at the silver band on her ring finger like she is a young girl again, fascinated by the idea of being a wife.

She is more than a little drunk when she is seized by a sudden thought and slurs into Bucky’s ear, “Don’t tell your mother I’m keeping my name!”

He laughs and kisses her and assures her “Agent Carter” sounds far better than “Agent Barnes.”

* * *

She is into her fourth month of trying to decrypt the code meant for the SS scientist when Bucky comes out of their bedroom and starts putting on his coat.

“Where are you going?” she asks, her attention still mostly focused on the code.

“Pharmacist.”

“Are you sick?”

He smirks. “We used the last sleeve last night.”

Peggy looks up from the file, surprising herself by blurting out, “Don’t buy more.”

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

“I mean…if you want to, you certainly can. I just thought we could see what happens.”

They haven’t discussed having children in any real way. Both of them have mentioned the possibility in passing, and Peggy knows he adores his nieces and nephews. She’s told him in no uncertain terms she will not quit her job if they have children, and Bucky joked he’d make a much better housewife than she would.

But discussing it in the abstract and deciding to try are very different things.

Bucky grins, shrugging back out of his coat. “Well, Agent Carter, let’s see what happens.”

* * *

“Your babies are going to be so beautiful,” Angie declares when she and Peggy grab lunch between Angie’s rehearsals for her new play.

“I’m not even pregnant yet.”

“English, have you looked at your husband? It’s only a matter of time.”

As always, Angie _does_ have a point.

* * *

She finally breaks the code during the fifth month of trying, providing Bucky with coordinates in Eastern Europe. He deploys a team to investigate, and she pretends she isn’t sore to not be included. Since being appointed Chief, Bucky’s been good about not trying to keep her locked up away from danger and he certainly utilized her skills more than Dooley ever did, but being at a desk has never been her preference.

“Haven’t we spent enough time stomping around that damned continent?” Bucky asks her on the train ride home.

Bucky doesn’t miss the field or the fighting. He’d enlisted because it was his duty, but Bucky did not have a soldier’s heart. When it came right down to it, James Barnes was a guy from Brooklyn who fought for peace and wanted to keep it. It was the only true incompatibility Peggy saw in them: she lived for the fight, for the struggle, for the chance to be anything but peaceful and safe.

There is a war in Peggy Carter that will never end, not until every last injustice is fixed, and though it is an unwinnable war, she will always pick up the sword and charge into it.

* * *

They are both asleep when the telephone starts to ring. It is loud and shrill, startling both of them awake, and Bucky curses a blue streak as he stumbles out to the kitchen to answer it. Peggy groans, burying her face into her pillow to resume sleeping. The problem with being married to the New York Bureau Chief is the all hours phone calls, but while Bucky had to deal with the calls, Peggy could drift back to sleep.

Except she is just about to do that when Bucky shakes her awake, his face white as paper.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, awake in an instant, adrenaline already flowing in her veins.

“The coordinates…they found something.”

“Something? Like a weapon?”

Bucky shakes his head. “They found Steve. He’s alive.”

And then he starts to cry.

Peggy wraps her arms around her sobbing husband and joins him.


End file.
